it's heavy and the fiery red has turned a little pale. life is beautiful. the day and weekend has been beautiful with freedom and encouraging thought. i learned that the perfect amount of time spent at home is less than 24 hours. i learned that no matter how hot your car is, if your personality sucks, and so does everything else - i don't want your services. stop the fronting, stop the unnecessary moves. no. no. no. i just got back from a run. it was short-lived. obviously.
freeing to walk around, acting like i'm all sporty. in actuality, i'm the one who goes back to my room and does yoga, per kick-ass podcasts. let's be honest. i love days like these, when i sleep in, catch up on phone calls, and have a day to myself. a crystal day. walk to borders. invest in c.s. lewis, do a little shopping. i hope my ankles don't break. if they do, gp, i know you'll be there. chucky will help.
classy and conservative meets hip and fashionable. guess who.
sit at a coffee shop [starbucks] and enjoy not having a time crunch. get caught singing...[hey! are you singing over there?] oops, yeah, sorry. [ what is that? ] um...worship songs...and the convo ended. of course it did. as i've been writing my talk on community, my mind is blown away at how far my heart and mind have come. it's hard to think through, and work through. reading through past journal entries is a trip in itself. maybe he's right. this talk could be very healing for me. playing: g-vo.
what's the use in trying to save the whole wide world, if you can't fall in love with the girl next door? awesome concert last night, great party at the mansion, and good time with friends. sri lanka is about to be taken by the storm of which is rajeev and his amazing heart and talent towards change. good time with friends. yes. yes. yes. dance the night away...dj. change the music. i mean, really. where the christians at? i love manila...especially because it brought me into a community of ucla alum who have beautiful hearts. westwood is a good place. for sure.
he said that if grace can not be felt or realized, there's no use. it's a choice. push the envelope.
1:30am. phone call. the night is young. drive west on wilshire. [hey! i know you!] end up on the lawn with a good friend from usd. [can we go in? it's cold!] dance for ten minutes, only ones on the dance floor [they wish they could dance with you and i], twirl around and genuinely enjoy what is left of the night...i got my drink and my two step. nope, didn't have either, but we did have a good time! take him home and farewell until mass tomorrow [today].
boys. girls. date only who is free. not in a relationship. not emotionally involved with another. if you love her, stay with her. stop going after another. if you love him, and he has a girlfriend, please don't. maybe it's because of the history that i have, that i'm extra sensitive to this. but really, i mean, really. my understanding of relationships have gone from one spectrum to the other...do they really get more complicated as you get older? maybe because i'm exposed to more, then, i guess that's why my emotions run so high. it's too much. that's why i choose to stay out. can't trust anyone.
you make up your mind. you revert. stay strong and think about it. the past speaks for itself. bad taste. keep the mind and heart away from that. read the journal. remember. talk with friends. remember. listen.
you deserve better. and no, this is not just the ramblings of a frustrated heart or the complaining of a sometimes wise salesgirl. it's truth, and we know, at the core, what is best for us. sometimes it is just so damn hard to follow.
dance at a club. shake it off. now walk it out. texas, we're due. it's time.
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