the feeling of ultimate defeat. heavy heart :: pounding head. if memory serves me well...actually, scratch that. it has never served me well. at least not when it matters. i always thought the trait was innate. a perception that it pumped through my veins. i had this idea of who i was to become. i'm not so sure anymore. my skin doesnt seem thick enough for this & i'm worried that it never will be. as i sat there staring blankly, holding my head up with my hands...i felt the tears forming in the corner of my eyes. stop it. don't blink. you're not this person. i dont want to be her. get away & brush it off. its just one of those days. i'll truck through it...i always do. pass the butterscotch ice cream with an extra large spoon please. i'll meet you under the pile of blankets.
now playing on repeat. in a bizarre way, it reminds me of you. strangely familiar when it shouldnt be. it has finally been made clear to me. on and off. i knew this entire time...it was just a matter of wanting to lift my finger to flick the switch. sleep comes easy now being in the dark.
a simple request from a stranger made my week. three consecutive "love"-s were used. in all honesty, you would have made me smile with just one.
breathe in the cold air...throw away the sleeve...walk around like no one else exists...only stop to laugh...
that's all it takes.
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