not so vague. it is what it is. grace happens. Grace happens.

i wanted to play video games she said. sure, we can do that, he said. i wanna actually beat you at least once, she said. i have a really cute movie, he said.

once. a movie that one of my best friends told me to watch. come back to california, vietnamese girl. a movie that my friend in japan told me i HAVE to watch. and ironically, the "really cute movie," my friend had in his dvd player.

once. amazing music - beautiful lyrics that make me want to cry and be depressed...ew, no way. yeah right. i'm a sucker for this stuff. amazing music, regardless...lyrics that cut through the heart and allowed you to feel, if you've been there. intimacy. a reminder. we all want a little bit of it. sometimes, others want a whole lot of it. you gotta control it though. this is a instance [moment] where you are reminded of the definition of intimacy.

and.... just like that. follow your heart, and your mind, and you are set. go. leave. drive home, 2am, streets are empty, sleep is short, delirium on the way to work. 4 hours of sleep. of course i have to be at work early. research calls. game face on. remember? you have a client meeting. love it. oops. at least there's bagels.

know yourself, know what you need, know what you deserve, know that your standards are so high, that nothing else matters - everything else is non-existent. most importantly, don't waste your time, or your sleep.

success and redemption. i think i passed the first test. it wasn't [isn't] too late. walk on wilshire. i need a vacation. with emily, lauren, alice, and gina. i don't know an emily, lauren, or alice...but i do know a gina. XX.

** sooo i had originally posted other stuff here, but due to the fact that some things really did not need to be said, what you see is what you get. have questions? ask. don't speculate. this post, UGH, so much is missing. just ask.

thank you for 2008.

wow. and so there it is. thursday. friday. saturday. don't forget sunday. no night will ever be as bad as that one night in santa monica. figures. shoot. dance all night thursday. get away with wearing contacts the next morning at work. success. movie hopping. best date. smuggling coffee bean and watching paris walk by. look for gp and i in the back of the paparazzi shots. :) no doubt there are two asian girls staring intently at the hilton sister.

more playing in hollywood. tragedy at mcdonalds. yummy calamari. even better sticky rice. we love udon. love the geisha house. don't forget about koi though. we learned to forever abandon promoter bojangles due to the anxiety and fear we had for our lives, our safety, and for our status as classy girls. [walk in] poke. hey. let me buy you a drink later. [um, no thanks.] um, gina, let's go to the bathroom.

blackberry time. nearest place to hit up. please. peace out hollywood. change in the car. no time to stop by the apt. can't do it tonight. you girls come back soon, k? we learned to fight the rhythm. we had to. booty, stop moving. not in the mood. no pun intended. head to venice. long line. ew. turn off, major. sweet! a parking spot. texas in all of her feminine intentions and innocence to the bouncer [um...is this the line?]...show me your IDs. and THAT is how it is done. dance on in ladies. have a great time.

always feel refuge in the asian crowd. weird, i know. right? timidness and shyness. unattractive. must be an asian thing. hmm..so...what's your phone number? can i call you sometime? um, we're dating. we like to dance with each other. only. walk away fast. very fast. move to the other side of the club. sit on a couch and take pictures. that never fails excitement! [so...that automatically makes me you're kuya (filipino big brother)?] um, yeah, basically. :) [wait, can i really call you?]...[like, really, really call you?] gina, let's go. game over!

every night seemed to be a success, and that equals enjoyment and satisfaction for the 2008 celebration weekend for these two visitors to LA. we got our drink and our two step. not to be mistaken for our two steps and our drink. oh, no, totally different!

[ i love rainy days and when i can hear the rain pouring outside. it is the weather that puts me in the best mood and that makes me feel most alive. quite countering it seems, but hey. what can ya do. depressing thoughts can no longer be present when rain comes pouring down. no time for that. not worth it and not productive. dwelling on thoughts of the past, not necessary. not important to put pressure on myself or give me more unnecessary weight on my mind, being, or on my heart. it was refreshing to walk with my friend nick back to my apt. winter dream tea in our hands, pleasant company and uplifting and true conversation is a beautiful reflection of the moving of the spirit. a reminder of joy and peace. good music at church. singing harmonies really loud. resounding, beautiful noise. joy, joy joy!]

great weekend. spent wisely, don't forget to pray before meals. don't forget to be thankful for moments spent in good company. if you're hungry, eat. but go to the gym too. complimentary personal fitness workout. YES. score. only in LA - actually getting ready-ready for the gym. shoot.

and the beat goes on. and persistence continues [can i call you?] [ so when can i take you on a date?]. and decisions are made [ don't touch me, thanks. ], and we learn [asdjbasehasnaf] , we send text messages [too many. they're ALL important.], dance in the car, swear to never wear apple bottom jeans, and have smiles always on our faces [sigh]. except when we're laughing, then they're really big.

dfdub misses dirty south

you know what's weird, crys? reading about things that happened to you instead of hearing about them. this whole long distance thing makes me sad. but ANOTHER boy, eh? ;) i guess my Christmas card drawings are pretty accurate.

On the way to LAX:
taxi driver: so how long have you been in LA?
me: about 4 months.
wait.
5 months.
no.
6 months.
6 MONTHS!

holy crap, Crystal! i feel like we have at least 2 years worth of stories to tell.

back in D A L L U S:
where are the palm trees? it's so cold, and why is everything so brown? ahh yes...it's winter...i forgot.

coming back home has made me realize how much i've changed. even after all of the sleepless nights, fsi frustration, poor decisions, hollywood exhaustion, empty wallets, and the busted up pipeline, i wouldn't trade a moment of the last 6 months to be here in this place. don't get me wrong. dallas is a great, but after growing up here and knowing nothing else, i'm done. it's a bubble, and i actually feel sorry for the people stuck inside...but then again...they don't know that they're stuck so i guess it works out. maybe i'll find my way back one day...but for now, LA is home :)

on a completely random note, Clay Aiken needs help writing songs:
whatcha doin tonight?
i wish i could be a fly on your wall.
if i was invisible,
then i could just watch you in your room.

not creepy at all. reminds me of the weird-glasses-the simpson's-writer man. gross.

time to gear myself up for yet another meal. this time, III Forks. jealous, nels?

[excuse me, sir] do you mind if i acknowledge your presence?

smile at the stranger. the one who sits him and his laptop down in front of me. avoid eye contact. of course. i mean, really? starbucks has done such a great job in creating christmas, winter time, even in LA - but the people, the strangers, my sisters and brothers, their

everyday survival rituals remain the same.

take out the blackberry from your pocket. every 7 seconds. of course, this varies, depending on the day, night, and individuals you may have encountered, let's say...a week ago. you never know when the red light will start flashing. we all do it. my red babe is resting next to my extra hot non-fat sugar free caramel latte. 90 calories, well, if you get a tall. an obnoxious order, but i embrace every stutter i make. the barista said he didn't mind. of course he didn't.

hipsters walk in. americal apparel, i love how you make your rounds. asian girls, i'm glad you got into ucla - i sure didn't. homeless man, how did you get that way? there you are. come inside. it's cold outside. asian boy - FCUK. nice jacket.

a man in line stares at my journal - could it be because this is such a rare sight? thank God i have time to rest my head against the westwood window and spend some time unwinding in this corporate hole that advocates a lot - too much writing and verbiage on a coffee cup. don't worry, coffee bean, i'll be back soon.

student reads for a little, sure enough. gets on the phone in no time. is it weird that i see specifics and i think, not for me, but definitely for my girl with the christmas lights?

people in line are so damn interesting sometimes...

layered look, you never expire.boots, stay on the feet. hats, you can stay too. girl outside, don't smoke - it's bad for you. your mom probably wants you to stop too.

it's nice talking on the phone - especially with someone who is now so pleasant. someone whom you realize and learn from that she feels like she is still seeking something, but doesn't know what it is - that she wants to sell all her belongings, but not leave her house behind, that she wants to volunteer...that she has dreams of the divine mercy and immaculate conception - that she doesn't know where she wants to settle, and that she feels pulled somewhere, but doesn't know where. it is weird, especially, when this is my mom talking - that she feels this calling.

i tell her of my plans to move to the philippines - but she doesn't think now is a good time. i agree. i sometimes wonder if that wise sage who i interviewed with back then when gina and i were christened to be friends...know that i would eventually move back to the PI. would i? could i be ready? could i do that....

escapes are always nice - but when they are not treated as escapes, they are much better.

LA, UGH, i have so much to say about you right now, but not enough energy. give me nothing. this transient place, full of people trying to make their way through the city - trying to find their husband or wife, but also trying to find their next contact to add to their blackberry - try. and yes, i blame LA. only Los Angeles.

you're starting to make me cringe. this time, it's not my fault.

up to the date of receiving my diploma, i was able to grab coffee, hang out, do what i wanted with any of my closest guy friends or not even a close guy friend for that matter. i am slowly realizing that that has all changed as soon as i moved into this city where you can never fully learn or understand the intentions of the other in question. how sick is that. must watch myself. even when my intentions are pure. soooo when does maturity kick into action?

falling into gravity[not yours]but mine.

wow, first blog post. i joined the siege of millions of scribers that rant and rave, while trying to sound so articulate and so profound, through that of a blog. don't know where this will go, but i know it will go somewhere. i also know that as everyday is a new day and as experiences are lived and hopefully survived through, insight on life may be flourished, and as a result, shared. welcome to my blog. OUR blog.

LA vixens roam the streets of wilshire and santa monica blvd., and even on la cienega and along sunset blvd. at any given day of the week. true story. be yuppy and do hollywood. hopefully not the other way around. that's never fun. dancing is fun. and so is having your partner in crime at your side. thursday and friday. sometimes wednesday. it's not easy finding genuine people in la, especially when everyone all around you is a self-proclaimed actor or singer. yeah. right. me too.

as for me, moving to la, i lucked out. texas green makes me happy. cup of tea, cozy couch, smores by the fire, bumpin to music on drives to hollywood, realizing that we live in a freaking fun city. i love the yellow cafe.

la boys don't call. thank goodness for unlimited text messaging. maturity does not come with age. "you'll like it." um, no, please don't. let me be. give the drink, ditch the dance. bring that money shaker somewhere else and dance the night away. los angeles' personality is bouncy, over-worked and underpaid, struggling, but has the best acting around with the strongest fascade.

the velvet rope has nothing on bonnie. or clyde, for that matter.

welcome to los angeles. don't get too jaded. yeah. right.