for the first time, i feel somewhat defeated. wow. so this is what it's like. shockingly enough, this is the first time, ever, that i have felt like this. even after the hurt-filled recollections of crystal's past - in the most unlikely of situations, this is the outcome? how is this possible...my optimism can only last so much and i think the problem is, is that i am overwhelmingly, unnecessarily optimistic about this one. gross.
timing is everything - that's what we say. tonight, i believe my words were...sooo, it was bad timing? the apology. wow- it happened. this is not normal. but then again, nothing about anything seems to be normal anymore.
everyone seems to be scared to be hurt - to have their heart broken AGAIN. we've all been there, some have moved on, some are still suffering, and some are trying to move on, but are still gut-eating suffering inside. it can't be that easy to give up on the most beautiful gift that we have the ability to give to others - that's what i think. i'm all about it, i love it and i think everyone needs so much more of it. maybe there really isn't a big difference with the age of everyone...at the end of the day - we still have many things in common. we don't really like being alone, we have fears, we need to be loved...
the savior complex has taken a turn for its worst, showing up in the most unlikely of places. everything is so damn unpredictable and sure, that's what makes things exciting, but when it leads to you getting the horrible end of the stick, you. feel. defeated.
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