this one time, gina and i were driving over to yoga. we were dancing in the car, bouncing our heads, rockin out to paper planes. i was driving. saw a car full of dudes in the left lane...and i said to gp - oh they look like a fun car!
then they honked at us and they were in back of us...and they started dancing too. then we were at a stop light. then the next thing you know, a guy comes up to gina's window...on foot - beer in hand, beer box in the other hand and he said...hey i just wanted to get you guys a beer - you want one? where you going? can i get in? we're gonna party it up!// no, sorry dude, we're going to yoga! no time to party it up right now - thanks though!//WTF?!?!?!?!?!
gina and i were freaking out at what just happened...did that JUST happen?
meanwhile, i have a cooler in the backseat...and i was mentioning to gina how there is a beer in there and it is so annoying cause it keeps rolling around...
we get to a stoplight. // GINA! we should give them water...and be like, hey! you guys need to detox! // NO, CRYSTAL! GIVE THEM THE BEER!!!!
she hands me the beer. and there i am...waving the beer out the window to them, cause they are now in the left lane again...and i say...here dude! take this! this is for you guys! have fun!!! //meanwhile, the drivers in back of us, are pretty much like, what the eff is going on....and he said, awww thanks sweetie - i'll give you one of these...and bam! kiss on the cheek - scruff on the face and everything and for ONCE, i didn't mind.
only on wilshire. only on the day of our housewarming party. only with gina.
<3
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
it is what it is.
because it's the day of our party. because being busy is no longer an excuse. because i like being home. because things have changed so much. because i am learning what i really like to do. because i'm ok with not having my walls full of clutter. because i love my full size bed. because days have been brighter in my heart. because i hope you have blue skies. because the submarines have the cutest musical story. because i still miss the people i haven't talked to in a while. because things change. because you move on. because it's what's gotta happen. because it's the morning and i can say it. because ryan and i are going to be living in the same city again. YAY!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
too poor for friends
in order to have alot of friends (and maintain them), you need one of two things...
1. money
2. time
if you want REALLY good friends (and by good, i mean both in quantity and quality)....you need both. now....i definitely dont have #1. especially with birthday season coming up. #2...i can spare, but i'm just too lethargic to do anything with my free time other than pretending to watch football...or blogging. case in point. it's saturday night. and i'm blogging. because i want to. bottom line: i have a handful of friends. but i loves them alot :)
today's menu:
cheetos
funfetti cake
trail mix
doritos
i think it's time for a change. the absolute worst thing in the world is boredom. i've become a waste of space...waste of a life. tragic. always hoping it'll change...it'll get better. but it doesnt. it's been a year and i'm about to officially go insane. it's time for me to create my own change. make it happen. unfortunately, i dont look very good on paper.
in one year...
4 trips to Vegas
1 trip to Puerto Vallarta
1 trip to Dallas
2 trips to New York
1 trip to Korea
1 trip to the midwest
1 trip to Atlanta (pending)
life is good. but let's make it better.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
recalling and reliving is sometimes not so fun
i had a ridiculously great time at home this weekend. i connected with my mom like i never had before...we had stuff to talk about - she was actually interested in what i had to say, we talked, we bonded, and she's trying to find me a boyfriend. wholeheartedly trying to do so. she would. well, that is what i am beginning to discover.
after a long week of overhaul at work, looks like this week might be another challenge as well, but i pretty much decided that i'm going to have a good week. i'm going to do it. after a visit to the office today to do some work, i got in a conversation - on a topic that i had not really talked about for many, many months now. i'm still gonna have a good week.
..."sooo can i ask what happened? what happened with you and your ex boyfriend?" and then it happened. and then i typed the words - he. fell. out. of. love. with. me. just like that. my body began to get really hot - i felt my fingers start to shake, and i clicked back to reality that damn, yes, that IS what happened. i went back to my maher dorm room when i was sitting in the middle of my room, in the dark, on the floor, crying my eyes out, and feeling numb. numb to it all and shaking. shaking like i had never felt before. it was like i got kicked in the stomach and i had no energy in me left. none to turn on the light cause i didn't want to see what i looked like - i didn't want my residents to see me, i didn't want anyone to know the shit that i was going through...but who was i kidding? everyone knew. i couldn't sleep for days.
i remember my two best friends coming to my room at wee hours of the night when i- they - we all should have been studying. i remember going to the chapel at the early morning because i had nowhere else i could turn to. i remember the times when he repeated those words - i just have no idea how it happened....not. in. love. with. you. anymore.
and then i realized i learned so much about it. and then i thought about how he was doing, and then i thought i'd say hi. ring, ring, there it went. and then i thought, wow, i have experienced the worst - uttermost worst parts of a relationship, hands down. and then i realized, for those horrible, horrible moments that i felt, i never want to feel like that again. beat up. never. again. it's funny, but not really funny - ok, maybe that's not the word...but if i go back in time to those moments, my stomach starts to tie itself in knots. then i think about the jealousy that started to arise, and the insecurities, and all of the taintedness that was now ever so present in the relationship and how it just kept getting bigger, and bigger - but i still kept trying, and trying harder...till there was nothing left to thrive on.
then, i went to the philippines. then we broke up. then...i moved to LA.
and in those two seconds where i was asked the question, " so what happened with you and your ex bf? " the thoughts of the past and thinking about what i would really allow myself to endure in the future, really came to the forefront. i don't want to be THAT girl. i can't - any longer. i'm done for now.
and then i thought, i'm moving. on. i deserve better. on so many levels.
i'm turning 23 soon. i love beginnings.
after a long week of overhaul at work, looks like this week might be another challenge as well, but i pretty much decided that i'm going to have a good week. i'm going to do it. after a visit to the office today to do some work, i got in a conversation - on a topic that i had not really talked about for many, many months now. i'm still gonna have a good week.
..."sooo can i ask what happened? what happened with you and your ex boyfriend?" and then it happened. and then i typed the words - he. fell. out. of. love. with. me. just like that. my body began to get really hot - i felt my fingers start to shake, and i clicked back to reality that damn, yes, that IS what happened. i went back to my maher dorm room when i was sitting in the middle of my room, in the dark, on the floor, crying my eyes out, and feeling numb. numb to it all and shaking. shaking like i had never felt before. it was like i got kicked in the stomach and i had no energy in me left. none to turn on the light cause i didn't want to see what i looked like - i didn't want my residents to see me, i didn't want anyone to know the shit that i was going through...but who was i kidding? everyone knew. i couldn't sleep for days.
i remember my two best friends coming to my room at wee hours of the night when i- they - we all should have been studying. i remember going to the chapel at the early morning because i had nowhere else i could turn to. i remember the times when he repeated those words - i just have no idea how it happened....not. in. love. with. you. anymore.
and then i realized i learned so much about it. and then i thought about how he was doing, and then i thought i'd say hi. ring, ring, there it went. and then i thought, wow, i have experienced the worst - uttermost worst parts of a relationship, hands down. and then i realized, for those horrible, horrible moments that i felt, i never want to feel like that again. beat up. never. again. it's funny, but not really funny - ok, maybe that's not the word...but if i go back in time to those moments, my stomach starts to tie itself in knots. then i think about the jealousy that started to arise, and the insecurities, and all of the taintedness that was now ever so present in the relationship and how it just kept getting bigger, and bigger - but i still kept trying, and trying harder...till there was nothing left to thrive on.
then, i went to the philippines. then we broke up. then...i moved to LA.
and in those two seconds where i was asked the question, " so what happened with you and your ex bf? " the thoughts of the past and thinking about what i would really allow myself to endure in the future, really came to the forefront. i don't want to be THAT girl. i can't - any longer. i'm done for now.
and then i thought, i'm moving. on. i deserve better. on so many levels.
i'm turning 23 soon. i love beginnings.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
not even worth a title
why do i always feel like blogging only when i feel defeated? the need to express my frustrations. to see the negative words spelled out on the screen. and when i'm completely happy...in a state of utter joy...i'm MIA from the online world. too busy being happy. do not disturb. but it's not like that today. not right now.
reading through past posts, i've realized one thing......i know nothing. i can talk all i want, but it never unfolds as predicted. logic is only good on paper. what do i know? but on the bright side, at least i know that i'm capable of being sane. even if it's for a moment.
i'm sad. for reasons i can't type out. sleep it off. bc this moment will pass. like always. and tomorrow is friday.
Monday, September 1, 2008
remember that one time? oh wait. those two times.
this is the true story of a girl who landed back into lala land, after spending 4.5 days in new york and 5 days in puerto vallarta. this is the true story of a girl who came out of the week browner than ever, and with more to think about than originally intended, upon boarding that flight to jfk, onto nueva york.
it was an ideal business trip with the purest mix of training, learning system strategies, fun, partying, friends, and stories/memories to take along for the ride. living in brooklyn had never been so much fun with jd- hangin out in carol gardens and waiting for the F subway to take me out to rockefeller for 8 hours of work in the corporate headquarters. excellent. delicious even. i like to have fun - not make trouble. i have a really good memory too - unfortunately, so good, but fortunately, at the same time - so good - to remember, to recall, and to say out loud, " oh my gosh - did that seriously just happen? "
i surprise myself. sometimes in the early morning. not a dud, not a brotha, and definitely not a stranger - to say the least. but now, the repercussions - none. but now, gotta face the music and still, believe that i knew what i was doing. and i did. not bad...not bad. the aesthetics of it all - break it down one more time. confusion and the most healthiest mix of party dresses, basketball shorts, sweatshirts, and rainbows. streets of new york, don't worry about it. hop on one subway, make it to the next - just don't be late. make it happen, get it done, and have fun. looking around the subway, everyone has a story. no matter if it's 6:30 in the morning or if it's 11pm at night on a subway to max fish. no judgment there. get in the taxi and trust that the person right next to you knows exactly where you're going...walk straight. hold my hand. ditch the heels. it's time for another round...
get on a plane and recall the moments - NO those moments don't matter, they can't, and they shouldn't. what is the end? is there an end? it's time for crystal to cut it out and look to what's next...because what's next is no to the quantities - that's what they came up with in puerto. i'm not the scandalous one, i'm not pathetic, but the quantities speak for themselves. that's not saying a lot though. let's be real here.
puerto happened. pure R & R. lying by the pool, sleeping in for 12 hours, being deliciously and tastefully relaxed, while being filled with pico de gallo and nachos con carne. happy hour drinks - 2 for 1 - big giant cups - pina coladas, sex on the beach, mai tai, strawberry daquiri, get it done. and we did, and it was tasty. play around in the pool, listen to the ipod, think about life, and stop and think and come back to the moment...we are in PUERTO VALLARTA. it was much, much needed, and that quality roommate time, is what our house needed.
i did learn a few things though - relevant, irrelevant, stupid, and awesome - i love long islands and mojitos, and i will never drink long islands and mojitos the same, being spontaneous and just going with the flow of the night makes things that much more exciting come hours later, working in the company's headquarters is pretty awesome, even though you may think a moment is freaking sweet at the time, and it really is when you think about it afterwards, and afterwards, and recall it again, at the end of the day, it may still not have been the wisest decision, vacations are so much better when you're with your roommates, and pico de gallo is the best in puerto vallarta.
sometimes i wonder if i'm becoming exactly like my mom. that's not too bad, i guess...no extremely horrible decisions have been made yet. and i can dance a little better - kinda. but she does give me good stuff to work with. and THAT is the problem. maybe the answer is to just stop dancing. that's when all the problems begin...
it was an ideal business trip with the purest mix of training, learning system strategies, fun, partying, friends, and stories/memories to take along for the ride. living in brooklyn had never been so much fun with jd- hangin out in carol gardens and waiting for the F subway to take me out to rockefeller for 8 hours of work in the corporate headquarters. excellent. delicious even. i like to have fun - not make trouble. i have a really good memory too - unfortunately, so good, but fortunately, at the same time - so good - to remember, to recall, and to say out loud, " oh my gosh - did that seriously just happen? "
i surprise myself. sometimes in the early morning. not a dud, not a brotha, and definitely not a stranger - to say the least. but now, the repercussions - none. but now, gotta face the music and still, believe that i knew what i was doing. and i did. not bad...not bad. the aesthetics of it all - break it down one more time. confusion and the most healthiest mix of party dresses, basketball shorts, sweatshirts, and rainbows. streets of new york, don't worry about it. hop on one subway, make it to the next - just don't be late. make it happen, get it done, and have fun. looking around the subway, everyone has a story. no matter if it's 6:30 in the morning or if it's 11pm at night on a subway to max fish. no judgment there. get in the taxi and trust that the person right next to you knows exactly where you're going...walk straight. hold my hand. ditch the heels. it's time for another round...
get on a plane and recall the moments - NO those moments don't matter, they can't, and they shouldn't. what is the end? is there an end? it's time for crystal to cut it out and look to what's next...because what's next is no to the quantities - that's what they came up with in puerto. i'm not the scandalous one, i'm not pathetic, but the quantities speak for themselves. that's not saying a lot though. let's be real here.
puerto happened. pure R & R. lying by the pool, sleeping in for 12 hours, being deliciously and tastefully relaxed, while being filled with pico de gallo and nachos con carne. happy hour drinks - 2 for 1 - big giant cups - pina coladas, sex on the beach, mai tai, strawberry daquiri, get it done. and we did, and it was tasty. play around in the pool, listen to the ipod, think about life, and stop and think and come back to the moment...we are in PUERTO VALLARTA. it was much, much needed, and that quality roommate time, is what our house needed.
i did learn a few things though - relevant, irrelevant, stupid, and awesome - i love long islands and mojitos, and i will never drink long islands and mojitos the same, being spontaneous and just going with the flow of the night makes things that much more exciting come hours later, working in the company's headquarters is pretty awesome, even though you may think a moment is freaking sweet at the time, and it really is when you think about it afterwards, and afterwards, and recall it again, at the end of the day, it may still not have been the wisest decision, vacations are so much better when you're with your roommates, and pico de gallo is the best in puerto vallarta.
sometimes i wonder if i'm becoming exactly like my mom. that's not too bad, i guess...no extremely horrible decisions have been made yet. and i can dance a little better - kinda. but she does give me good stuff to work with. and THAT is the problem. maybe the answer is to just stop dancing. that's when all the problems begin...
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