[excuse me, sir] do you mind if i acknowledge your presence?

smile at the stranger. the one who sits him and his laptop down in front of me. avoid eye contact. of course. i mean, really? starbucks has done such a great job in creating christmas, winter time, even in LA - but the people, the strangers, my sisters and brothers, their

everyday survival rituals remain the same.

take out the blackberry from your pocket. every 7 seconds. of course, this varies, depending on the day, night, and individuals you may have encountered, let's say...a week ago. you never know when the red light will start flashing. we all do it. my red babe is resting next to my extra hot non-fat sugar free caramel latte. 90 calories, well, if you get a tall. an obnoxious order, but i embrace every stutter i make. the barista said he didn't mind. of course he didn't.

hipsters walk in. americal apparel, i love how you make your rounds. asian girls, i'm glad you got into ucla - i sure didn't. homeless man, how did you get that way? there you are. come inside. it's cold outside. asian boy - FCUK. nice jacket.

a man in line stares at my journal - could it be because this is such a rare sight? thank God i have time to rest my head against the westwood window and spend some time unwinding in this corporate hole that advocates a lot - too much writing and verbiage on a coffee cup. don't worry, coffee bean, i'll be back soon.

student reads for a little, sure enough. gets on the phone in no time. is it weird that i see specifics and i think, not for me, but definitely for my girl with the christmas lights?

people in line are so damn interesting sometimes...

layered look, you never expire.boots, stay on the feet. hats, you can stay too. girl outside, don't smoke - it's bad for you. your mom probably wants you to stop too.

it's nice talking on the phone - especially with someone who is now so pleasant. someone whom you realize and learn from that she feels like she is still seeking something, but doesn't know what it is - that she wants to sell all her belongings, but not leave her house behind, that she wants to volunteer...that she has dreams of the divine mercy and immaculate conception - that she doesn't know where she wants to settle, and that she feels pulled somewhere, but doesn't know where. it is weird, especially, when this is my mom talking - that she feels this calling.

i tell her of my plans to move to the philippines - but she doesn't think now is a good time. i agree. i sometimes wonder if that wise sage who i interviewed with back then when gina and i were christened to be friends...know that i would eventually move back to the PI. would i? could i be ready? could i do that....

escapes are always nice - but when they are not treated as escapes, they are much better.

LA, UGH, i have so much to say about you right now, but not enough energy. give me nothing. this transient place, full of people trying to make their way through the city - trying to find their husband or wife, but also trying to find their next contact to add to their blackberry - try. and yes, i blame LA. only Los Angeles.

you're starting to make me cringe. this time, it's not my fault.

up to the date of receiving my diploma, i was able to grab coffee, hang out, do what i wanted with any of my closest guy friends or not even a close guy friend for that matter. i am slowly realizing that that has all changed as soon as i moved into this city where you can never fully learn or understand the intentions of the other in question. how sick is that. must watch myself. even when my intentions are pure. soooo when does maturity kick into action?