courage [spunk]. orange dot. go.

it's a strategy. how to spend marketing dollars, who's on the cover of what magazine during what month, during what movie premiere time period, there's a strategy. deciding which elevator to walk in based on the cute boy who walked ahead of you, it's strategy.

lying in shavasana, there is no strategy. you just are. sprawled open, arms, legs, head is light, lying on the recently purchased yellow skidless yoga towel, it allows me to be free. to not have to care about the weight that i continue to carry in my shoulders and on my back, day after day. call it gumption, there is freedom there.

with love and matters of the heart, there is no strategy. you play the game, then you end up losing. even better, you don't play the game, and sometimes you still lose and you realize, wait, this sucks. it's not like moving through personal asana where one can only hope to gain more flexibility and get better at the practice on the mat. instead, it's like a good yoga class gone bad. you do really good, you do all the positions, you sweat, you feel the sensations in your body, knowing that the yoga class totally paid off and you are damn happy that you got your butt out of your cubicle, changed into your cute yoga clothes, and made it to that trendy yoga studio in brentwood. but then, it hits you. you leave the studio, and your yoga practice ends. off the mat and into the world - it's the saying of a yoga clothing line, but think about it. it makes sense.

i guess in this sense, practicing yoga, but only keeping the movement on the mat is sooo not living life as a yogi. the more practice the better. i don't think that's how it is with matters of the heart. you practice once, and it fails, and you're like, whoa, i don't wanna do this again. but that one time you practiced, it wasn't like "practice." it was like, all in, hands down, i'm going for it, cause i want it, cause i feel it, cause after a lot of prayer, thoughts and emotion, i'm going for it. you risk it, but you don't view it as a risk. you see it as a destination and an exciting journey. then boom. the end. the departure, and it's over.

let me fly like an eagle, then move me like an airplane. i think i finally got this balance figured out. don't push me. try me. i won't let you.