what's better than a nightmare is when it's reality.

the vomit that comes up. almost near the throat. almost to be expressed. verbal vomit. nauseating, physical vomit. try to keep the heart red, solid, and pure, full of love. vomit seems to overflow it all. thoughts go away.

the last goodbye. calling one of my best friends early when i wake. talking with one of them before i go to bed. james morrison in the background. thanks sarajtan. superb. nice set up. love the environment and the ambience of feeling through regretful existence and past occurrence. ipod, keeping playing the songs i need to hear.

an easy friday afternoon in the office. same view of the hollywood sign. gina makes time goes by faster. microsoft office communicator saves the day at times. working real hard. making the phone calls. setting the reservations. 212. 203. serving the clients.

wow. how times flies. the past few months, and years. friends come, friends go. so cliche to say, but when this truth is realized, it is as if it is some fresh thought. feelings full of being surprised and slightly disgruntled. uncomfortable. unfortunate. add it to the list. validation. inappropriate behavior. unfairness. through with playing with the sheets and the twirling of the pillows. sleep is owed to my mind. finally. the opposite. ensue some more.

i've tasted the piece of one sweet love and tasted the bitterness of a less than savory bittermelon. the one with squash and shrimps. filipino delicacy. hapas are nice. not the cabana club ones. well, maybe. vomit, there you go again. stomach unsettled, mind unsettled, feelings and thoughts that need to be let go.

let it go. you [i'm] not missing out. thanks sister. now i know. instincts are correct. thanks mom. most the time. in this case, they are. defensiveness calls out to truth. my optimism shaded what was rational. sunshine, it's time to come on out and pan the new way for beginning horizons without that which is thoughtless, young, unknowing, and unaware.

livid. love. expect more. receive less. finally accept it. accept it. accept it. lose your friends. take that which you think is yours and that which you want. deceit. betrayal. hurt. it's sad. really. one day i [you] will learn.

namaste onto the mat and airplane my heart on out of san diego. fly baby fly.