cold december. time for you to melt.

and then you take time to stop, and think, and then you realize, hey, i love life. it's fun. and along with that, you realize, whoa, i'm young. "i'm freaking 22, but i feel like i know so much!" well, it's cause we do! which is pretty awesome, because that means, we can only go up from here, right? well, because "here" means having this emotion, and being in this place, this is a different indication.

happy with life today. it was a bowl of cherries. really sweet maraschino ones. the ones that i always steal from the bartender's placemat of fun treats. especially at holly's. but goodness no, no more holly's. even though los angeles is a big city, there are specific bar regular xy individuals that you would rather not want to run into again. fun place. default place.

so...i love people. but i learned that i can not be nice to everyone i meet. after talking with my sister about an unfortunate situation, it is made clear to me. crys, i know what you do. you feel bad for the dorks, with the puppy dog face, and then they get the wrong idea, and then the next thing you know, they are constantly running around you like a litter. well, now i have to clean up the poop if you will.
but i do love people and i have fun. clearly. :)

something needs to be said about the fact that everyone in los angeles pretty much knows about the so-called cliche comments of LA. everyone buys into them. yes, everyone. people come here because they are running from something in their past, or because they want to start something new, or they have to because they got a job, or because they want to join the rest of the people diagnosed with "commitment phobia." i learned that tonight. how true that could quite possibly be. yet, at the same time, let's be honest. many still have the deep yearning to be fully invested in someone, and have that in return. a mutual attraction, even better yet, dare i said it - love. as it exists. yes, i'm sure it does. of course it does! that view just gets muddled a lot of times with the smog of human attraction. yeah, it's smog. especially when you know [i know] it may not be for the best.

self awareness. it's a good thing. i think i have a lot of it, but i want more. especially here.

james morrison, as depressing as he is, homeboy speaks the truth. the last goodbye. the end of anything is so unfortunate. unless it was an end to something bad, then in that case, it's a blessing in disguise. an answer to a prayer. still, so unfortunate, and still so restricting. it's when you finally come to the terms that the pieces don't fit anymore. gross. yuck. not easy. james morrison, you are the man. sara tan, thank you for introducing me to this musical sensation that just adds to my jaded reality of relationships. but oh, how i love them! so much!

a friend continues to remind me though, that jadedness is not good. especially when that may restrict God from moving in my own life. don't worry, i'm not trying to recruit. i'll be out of here soon. let me sing a few more songs first.

...but it's all gone to waste
cause there's no one around.