so here i go

the day is quickly approaching and i'm petrified. if i'm forced to take that step, i guess i really dont have much of a choice. there's no room for second guessing. not this time around. for the sake of myself. to walk out of this with as much dignity and self worth as possible. it must be difficult for the spectators to watch. it's even hard to watch myself sometimes. the frustration doesnt stem from the situation nor the people involved. but more from myself. it's become a constant battle for me. tearing myself down & building myself up. is that a healthy way of living and learning? but through it all, i've been able to catch a glimpse of myself. 23 is just a number and does not reflect anything about me. please get that straight. as fully capable as i am to cut the loose ends, i know it'll still burn. that hole. that empty hole. it's hard to imagine, but i think...i know...i'll be just fine. i always am.

i'm physically, emotionally, mentally drained. take the wheel because i'm thinking of letting go. i never had the right to be there to begin with. silly me. no one knows what'll happen. i'm just preparing myself for all the possibilities.