i am [we are] His Beloved.

it has been almost three years or so since my first trip to the philippines to do service among the poor in manila. going to tonight's vespers made me reflect on my past summers that i spent among my brothers and sisters there. it also reminded me of my conversations with jess in college, talking about the challenges that God presented her while she was in india. i remember talking with her all through the night and day about my experiences in the philippines. it was all pretty vivid, and it all still is.

i understand that there is tragedy in new orleans. hands down. i also understand that there are problems in kenya, and africa, and thailand, and in manila, and in los angeles, and in san diego, and everywhere. it is hard for me to focus on one place, when i know that there is pain and suffering in other areas of the world. it is a huge struggle for me, especially on nights like this where we focused on new orleans. i understand, no doubt, the need. i wonder if part of me is envious that they got to talk about their experience in new orleans, as i would like to share about my time in manila? please don't say that your time there was humbling or gratifying. i can't take those statements. i don't understand them.

i have again realized that my time spent among the poor, among the street children, the smiling faces, and the joy-filled elders, never ends. i guess part of that is reflected in the fact that i have returned to manila to serve and continue to live among that culture for the past few summers. i guess that is why i still choose to go back and i can not wait till my next visit. it's scary though. it really is... thinking that manila may be in my future to serve, directly.

it is beautiful to me when people have a heart to serve. to truly be an example of leaving all things behind, with only your faith in christ and a heart of love and service, and going out to all the nations - wherever God leads. since i can not do it at this time, i love that i have many friends who have heard their call to other places. be it being a teacher on the east coast, a youth minister in san diego, serving in south africa, or simply serving others as a volunteer or leader in an area of passion, it is all beautiful to me. sure, i don't like that i don't have the freedom to do that right now, but i know that my time will come - that He will provide for me the means and time to do so. just trust. be patient.

i love struggle, i love contemplating, i love when my heart yearns for something more. it is when i know that i am alive - truly alive. it is when i know that He is calling me even closer. if only i can just trust - trust so big and embrace all that is to come. i think i surely do a great job of trying. but i can do more - i always can. it's time to dance at His feet, once again.

as palm sunday approaches, i think to myself...what a beautiful Lent this has been.