easy to say//harder to feel

and it's monday and i recall waking up - struggling to pick my head up from my pillow. my music was still playing. hm. i must have clicked on repeat playlist last night. i slept listening to breathe - i woke up to james morrison. not bad. slept straight through last night - a shift from the long, but short nights this past weekend at la congress - being catholic, attending sessions that revealed truth to solitude and the meaning of music in the church, collecting tickets as a volunteer and greeting the delegates with a smile. it was a fulfilling weekend, due to the fact that i got to be surrounded by my bestest friends. emotions arose and hearts were opened. my friends and i have come a long way. still - what am i doing with my life - continues to be a pondered and contemplated question. what would happen if i just picked up and left? to where? that's the beauty of it. it would be wherever i wanted to go. one place. i decided. it will happen.

a long weekend ended of course with a night at the fire pit. of course. if i'm away from her even for a little bit, i find that i must retreat back. or something. she listened, she shared, and we were caught up with each others' lives once again. that is what i look forward to, always. it's a very happy life we both, yet individually lead - because, well, how do i say this...we are very happy. haha, sometimes more than others...and at the end of the day, we are. so much to be happy about - so much to be confused about and love being confused with at the same time. together.

in the attempt to be still - yeah, i know, right - i ended up at borders tonight, indulged in some personal development reading and sat in my car for a little .alone. thinking, wow, i am tired. my body is tired. this little heart needs to breathe once again, discontinue questioning and talking and sit in whatever i am feeling, actively knowing that this is what ultimately leads me into the feelings of others in community.

looking down is now looking up, praying is to become a deep communion once again, focus is now outward, and my heart is ever more open to receive graces. close the door on that which is not life-giving, give to those who are in need, learn to put boundaries on my love - as h.n. so beautifully describes, and genuinely smile always.

what is, is, and now you know. i can't stop, i gotta keep going, and it's a beautiful journey. what.a.beautiful.life.i.have.been.given. and yet, everyday is a new day.