be the one to burn to shine.

do not fear the darkness. at least that is what i have been taught. headphones in, sleep time approaches, lights out. just write. pour it out and savor it all. the game of life has really truly begun and it has now finally caught up to me.

drive two hours plus to see some of my bestest friends was well worth it, playing on the beach, taking in the moment, letting mini pictures last longer in my mind, replaying moments in my mind - not from the past, but in the present...sure, our mature demeanor has changed, but so have our hearts. where is home? where the heart is. where is the heart? our responses, our reactions, and ultimately, our journeys have been extended in different directions. unwaivering still in our friendships, those have lasted. that says something. something has binded us together and we are ultimately all connected to one another. not only through the BOC but potentially through our commitment in those relationships. maybe.

put up the fence and watch it fall. the stars seem to fade. think about it. feel it. the [irony] as nighttime approached...where am i- dripping tears [as i fell asleep] on the pillows which were once [maybe more times] sweetly graced with a smile of genuine love and joy as the eyes and heart attempted to get some rest as they awaited for the next school day. be present now. recall the broken line, question why and hold to the struggle of the acceptance that there is no if. maybe my dream won't be too bad.

let it die. watch it grow.

she didn't know what to do, where to go - her mind was going crazy. she wanted the fire pit. she was reunited without going home first. she was with gpark once again. at the pit - we made a friend. not really. he gave us advice. the 31 year old was drawing a picture. a picture of the fear which he was in. a picture of the fear which he would give to his girlfriend[ex]. the one who wanted to be on a break because of her "finals" that she was currently studying for. /so gina, what do you think should happen?/in unison: he should break up with her./ it was an obvious situation. but not hers. not mine. he gave us advice as he chuckled a little at our misfortunes - but the very real misfortunes which were clearly causing unnecessary aches.

matters of the heart... pull the strings which make your eyes water a little [cause they do], pull yourself together and give it a shot. get out there. one chance. i'll hold your hand if you hold mine. promise not to yell. love me and understand me. meet me at the fire pit when i'm feeling down. help each other be more of a better person. gp - never thought the pit would grant us wisdom. [eff it] he said. [does he make you happy?] he said. [i'm going to tokyo to escape it all] he said. [ that's what you get when you date younger people ] - you know who is young because they think you need to know what you want, immediately. older people have already accepted the fact that it won't be like that.

what happens when you don't know? instability. it follows. instability becomes consistent and hurts people along the way. then again, most relationships which i have witnessed in my life and experienced firsthandedly, have not seemed to work out or be genuinely wrapped in love, and thus, you are reading the words of a hardened, but melting heart.

picking up the pieces from the past or end it all. i dare you to move. forward. without pride.

your true love is someone whom you will be able to trust. trust. he said that in confession. he talked about healing and forgiving. the tears fell as there was the realization that i no longer knew what that was. what that meant. harsh reality. tainted. for now. pray.

the first step always seems to be the hardest. cover me in a blanket of truth. i wanna wake up with a smile on my face - i wanna wake up without scattered thoughts. i wanna love bigger. i wanna love life bigger. i wanna know what comes next.

and all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into rain...let it play.