and what do you know? i came back! that's right. back to the US...no longer living in the country where it is 3:47pm, but instead, i am back in my apartment, 12:47am to be exact, and after going through my personal emails and work emails, i finally stopped, and realized, that it's true. i am back in the US.
if you know me, you know that this is something that i do every year. every summer since 2005, to be exact. go to the philippines - visit relatives, go shopping, visit SPECS (my favorite orphanage in manila), and hang out with the kids in the apartment complex that my grandpa owns. for those trips, i had many months of preparation - mental, emotional, and spiritual preparation. this time, it was different. this time i had about 48 hours to pack, get myself together, and get my filipino american self to the airport, only to attend my grandmother's funeral.
i had just gotten off the plane from new york, caught up on emails for that whole week on the next monday, and was bound for manila on tuesday night. tuesday morning and i found out my grandma had passed. my heart sank, we were all ready for it, we received the call, and i found myself with my cousin and my uncle bound for manila. as the plane neared landing in manila, i remember my heart beating so fast with anxiety and nervousness, and fatigue, but with such excitement...because i was home - i was back at the place where i love, i was back at the place where i knew ALL of my family members would be gathered. as i held my 7 white roses, i was ready to see my grandma.
filipino custom...the wake is usually held near the house, or in the house. in this case, my grandma lay in the house - in the very room where she usually slept with my grandpa...it was not scary. it was beautiful. so beautiful that the place looked like a funeral parlor, not a bedroom or living room, and none of us had a problem sitting there and paying our respects. there were flowers all around, and we each took turns sitting by the coffin, because filipino custom is that there always had to be someone near the coffin, so that my grandma's spirit would not be taken. true story. :)
so there i was, arrived there thursday morning (around 3pm wednesday - PST time), white yoga tank top, black vs yoga pants, and i don't think i changed my clothes or took a shower until friday afternoon. there wasn't any time, and i didn't have the energy to, though i had not slept until that friday morning. i did the souljah boy dance, i sang songs to her, we prayed for her lots, i got to lead the daily masses for her in song, and i kept watch. it reminded me of when jesus told his disciples to stay awake and stay with him. she was the reason i came to the philippines, and so i wanted to stay by her side.
friday afternoon/evening...my cousin and i who had spent the past day (literally) playing cards and sitting by my grandma, ended up taking a nap for like 4 hours out of extreme exhaustion. we woke up to the sound of a marching band - playing disney music, making great sounds with the trombones, and clarinets, and flutes, and big instruments, and other cool drums. my other cousin woke me up and said, dude, you need to get out there. i walk outside. and i saw about 40 people sitting in chairs, playing their instruments. this is the band that my grandma had wanted at her funeral - she didn't want it to be sad, she wanted it to be happy. later, there were those dancers with the twirly stick thingies. people from all over the city came to visit my grandma.
i got to sing a song, and i started crying. one moment in time...i didn't really know the words, but i tried the best i could, trying to look cute, in my exhausted attire, glasses and all, and i just kept crying into the microphone. eff, i thought to myself. there are SO many people here! i tried to think of happy things, but then i was just so sad, and overcome with such heavy emotion. my sister came out, and she saw me, and started singing with me. it was AWESOME. perfect. i got my composure back, and realized, ok, i need to liven things up a bit and redeem myself for that horrible song i just sang. and soo...classic...i will survive. the crowd was bumpin', and it was lively, and i was happy. i know my grandma was stoked. :)
the mayor sent flowers, far and distant relatives and friends came as well. the people who my family buys lechon (pig) from, even came to visit. it was amazing. absolutely. tears fell from our eyes as we realized how beautiful it all was, and we were in complete awe that this was ALL for her. brilliant. pure brilliance.
the house remained open since the day of her passing, so that people were able to come in and see her. friday morning, was her burial...i had no idea how it was all going to take place, but as soon as we started walking in back of the hearst, i learned we were having a procession through the city! led by two cops on motorcycles, the marching band, the twirling dancers, an ambulance car ( i don't exactly know why - probably just to promote urgency), the hearst, and my family and other friends, we processed her into the cemetery. it was AWESOME. way to block traffic, and start traffic for sure!
every day since, we visited her, we wept, and kept weeping, and as a result, we are all pretty emotionally drained, but so enlightened by the fact that our family rocks. when push comes to shove, we all come together - it's not very easy otherwise...but it was good. great, even.
the rest of my time in the philippines, i really did not do much. i hung out with the kids, and i played with them. i'm 22 years old. the oldest one there was 12. that is 10 years difference, and still, we played in the streets. :) i come back with about 21 mosquito bites, and a stomach that hurts. my hair is shorter, and i got to have a sea salt bath and 1 hour massage. yeah, i know, right? not even like burke williams status. it was near being taken advantage of. ha, ok, not really, but pretty much. amazing though. :)
though i visit the philippines every year, this time it was different. i had never felt so proud to be filipino-american, until this time. maybe it's because of all the filipino customs that we really held, despite the fact that they were all funeral related, or maybe it was the fact that i was walking around, and i really did, this time, just blend in? i don't know what it is, but my eyes have really been opened so much this time...maybe not enough months that passed between this time and the last time i was there - that nothing was shocking for me anymore. the shock factors were gone. yes, i'm sure it will be hard to adjust back into this lifestyle in the us, as it always seems to be, but i think i have been doing it for so long that i am now a pro, and my mind is able to shift so easily. maybe that's a good thing. or not. regardless, my heart remains in manila.
as i left the airport bound back to LAX, after i chatted it up with the customs officer, he left me with the following words (in tagalog, of course), "What should happen, is you shouldn't marry an American." and for once, i was like, hmm...i don't really have a choice. maybe i should really take that to heart. i thought it odd that our conversation led to that comment, but i guess it was inevitable as he asked me about filipino males in the philippines vs. filipino males in the US. why is it as it is? why are the differences as they are?
after these two weeks in the philippines, which seemed like 4 months, i learned the following:
* even dudes who play the clarinet can be super attractive, but passive. but fun, nonetheless.
* karaoke is my favorite past-time...especially in supermarkets.
* making your own lane on the streets is totally acceptable.
* guys wearing handbands and/or shorts with pink flowers, ALSO totally socially acceptable. why? i don't know.
* if i lived in the philippines, i would probably be married by now - and happily so.
* kids will dance for money. it's a bad start. :(
* food is damn cheap, for being so delicious.
* sleeping with air conditioning makes you sick. but it feels so nice!
* sleeping outside is not that bad...when you're exhausted.
and that, my friends, is manila in a nutshell. i'm off to san fran this weekend. maybe i should start to slow down...or maybe this is when things are finally starting to get interesting... :)
g-park, thanks for keeping the pipeline going. you're my hero. :) it's nice to be back.
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