no air needed pt.2

i'm ready to pour out my heart onto this page.

being raised by a woman who left her entire world and ditched her dreams to come to a foreign country all for a man...i have no idea where my sense of independence and confidence comes from.

x: mom, i broke up with him.
o: why?
x: because i need to grow as an individual and be on my own.
o: why?

yup.

i felt the tears slowly building up and just as i thought i had it under control, i felt them drip down my face. i'll let it slide. it's a normal outward expression of sadness, disappointment, anger...or all of the above. as long as it's not in any way a form of feeling sorry for myself. That i do not do. it's not in me to cry...but i gave myself 5 minutes to release the feelings & to ease my soul. wiped off the tears and washed away the feelings as the thoughts flooded in. i haven't gotten far enough to dissect my feelings yet, and i don't think i'm going to attempt to. i'll just let it run it's course....all 30 minutes of it. i can do this. there's no doubt. as long as the friendship is still there, i'll be more than just ok. i've learned that i have enough confidence in myself to pick myself up and move on. as easily and quickly as possible. just. like. that. wait...i think i knew that from the beginning.

as much as i don't want to, i must learn to let go. this moment. THIS moment. i'm jumping and there's no looking back. i'm breathing with no air. it stings like hell...but i'll adapt.

if you'd just realize what i just realized...

but it's a little too late for that, Colby. maybe next time around.